"I will give you rest."

   

Hi guys! I just wanted to update you since my last post where I was talking about praying and trusting in God about a trial that I'm going through. The very day after I wrote that post about having faith and trusting in God, different things started improving for the better. I don't want to go into details; but I knew it was God working!! (FYI:my marriage is great, so it's not that. I have family that reads my blog and I don't want anyone worrying).

In the past five days, since I wrote that post, things have been improving and I have felt some stress being lifted off of me and haven't had any anxious nights. I still have a ways to go & much more praying to do, but things are getting better by the day. I am going to leave it in God's hands and put my faith in him that he will work everything out to our good! I am more than happy to give up the driver's seat and let God do the driving, He does a much better job than me and he knows what is best for me. That is something that I have learned in life (and still sometimes have to continue to learn) is to give things over to him instead of trying to take things into my own hands.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Sometimes, I feel so unworthy of God's blessings because I am not the best of Christians. I'm not perfect by any means, but I do love God with all of my heart and soul and long to serve him in all areas of my life. He's been so good to me, regardless of my failures and mess-ups. It's amazing having someone in my corner that loves me unconditionally, even though I'm not perfect. If you think about that for a moment; that's pretty amazing..God is so good y'all! I am just so overwhelmed today by his love and mercy :)

I hope that you all are having a lovely start to the week and I'll be back in a day or two.

xoxo,
Melinda

Trusting in God!

 

Hi lovies, hope your week is going well so far! I'm still trying to get adjusted after being back from a week long cruise. I've been busy trying to catch up with things and to be honest a little overwhelmed with life.

Lately, I have been listening to sermons while I work during the day and noticed that the same message seems to keep coming back to me. I have seen it on social media, quotes and listening to several sermons. I know that it's God speaking to me and I wanted to share in case this speaks to you or maybe you're going through a similar situation.

The message that I have been receiving is"Stop worrying, God is working everything out." I won't go into details, but I have been going through some difficult things in my life- this specific trial is something that I haven't been through before and it's been really hard and has caused me to stay awake nights worrying and being stressed. It's gotten to the point to where I worry and think about it constantly. I have even had several anxiety attacks to where I have had to calm myself down so that I could catch my breath. I have been praying more and trying to turn it over to God. I just can't do this on my own- I need God to take over. I have been worrying too much, when I should have been praying more and trusting in God to take care of things.

I'm not saying it's easy, especially when you feel like your life is out of control and you work so hard and help others yet still your life is a constant struggle. It's really hard to sit back and watch people who take advantage of others and it seems like life is going so amazing for them. That really frustrates me and makes me want to throw in the towel and quit. Why can't the kind and giving people be rewarded? Why does it seem like the ones that are dishonest and take advantage of people and are full of greed get rewarded? It's something that I struggle with understanding.

All I know is that I have to continue being kind, lifting up and encouraging others. I will continue to love and help those less fortunate and the broken in spirit. It may not seem like it right now, but God is busy behind the scenes working things out for me. I just have to keep trusting in him and know that the plans that he has for me, are for good and not evil. Plans to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. I don't know the exact plans that God has in store for me, but I will continue to trust in Him. I have followed God for most of my life and he has never let me down. I love and adore Him because he has looked out for me my whole life and has been there with me when everyone else walked out the door.

I hold on to the faith because I have witnessed countless miracles from God. I have witnessed our dog, Roscoe, when he became paralyzed and depressed for 8 months, later begin to walk and play like a normal dog again. I watched God deliver my husband and I out of bondage in situations where people were taking advantage of us and place us in a much happier & healthier situation. I have witnessed having extreme health issues and God restoring health to my body. I have witnessed a child that was having traumatic emotional issues receive healing, with extreme prayers for bondage's to be broken over him. I have been a part of all of these miracles; some I prayed for days and some took years to come to pass. But every time, God came through on his promises.

I love being a prayer warrior for God and helping others receive deliverance and healing. God is good all of the time and I will once again trust in him that he will work everything out for me as well. I have faith that I will be back soon with a testimony of victory and deliverance! So stay tuned :)

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good for those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Are you going through something and need prayers? Let me know and I'll be happy to lift you up in prayer.

A Little More Kindness & a Little Less Judgment

Warning: Vulnerable Post Ahead

This morning I received a very hateful review on my new chick lit book. The girl stated in her review that my character is petty, shallow, self-absorbed and entitled. She didn't seem to realize that this is a fiction book; it's not entirely based on my life. The only part that is actually based on my life is the fact that I was in a miserable job  that was making me physically sick and went on a cruise to figure out how to change my life for the better. I wrote this book because it was fun and opposite my life in so many ways. I wish I had Sophies cushy life where she ends up with her dream job paying six figures while living the life of luxury. But that's just not my life.

Her review really hurt me. Mainly because I'm none of those things that she spoke about. I grew up in poverty, with nothing. There were plenty of days when we didn't have much food to eat and my Mom would go without so that I could eat. Growing up, I lived in a very dilapidated home. It was not a nice home by any means. I remember leaky roofs, cracked windows. I could go on and on. I was made fun of at school because of my goodwill clothing and because I didn't fit in. One day, my Mom showed up in her beat-up car and I hid because I was embarrassed for all of the cool kids to know that I was poor. Christmas and Birthdays were the same- gifts that my Mom had sewn or bought from goodwill. Or sometimes, donated items from the Church. Growing up, I never had anything new.

I've had to fight for everything in my life and nothing has ever been given to me. Quite the opposite; I've mostly had people take from me instead of support me in my life. After reading the review, I broke down crying. I'm a sensitive person and there's nothing that I hate more than when someone views me oppositive of who I am truly am. Anyone who has taken the time to really get to know me; knows that I am the opposite of shallow and I am very kind and compassionate. I actually hate small talk and would rather deep conversations about life.

No one wants to read a book about a poor girl who is made fun of and has struggled all of her life and still working hard trying to become a successful business owner and writer. Who wants to read about how a girl who has been abandoned by her own family? Or a girl that goes through an entire year of depression when she loses her dog of 15 years? Or maybe how she stays in a miserable job where she is bullied until she gets physically sick? Those things are just too heavy and don't make for a good story. I wanted to write a fun, light book. My life is heavy at times and writing this book actually helped me get away from my problems for a little while.

But in her defense, this reviewer doesn't know anything about my struggles in life and the dark times that I've been through. I'm not going to retaliate because it's not my style at all. Maybe she is going through something herself or maybe she had a bad experience with a self-absorbed person. I have no idea.That's why I personally refrain from being judgemental of others; because you never know what battle someone else may be fighting. Yes, their life may look amazing from the outside. That may be just the part that they allow you to see. You don't know what their life is truly like or what they go through. Just because someone may seem to have a perfect life, doesn't mean that they don't deal with depression or insecurities. Can we please stop judging one another? Why not be more supportive and help one another?

The one great part of this was the support that I received from other women. One of the reviewers was so kind and supportive and emailed to tell me not to let the review get me down. And when I posted to the Being Boss Facebook group about the hateful review, so many women surrounded me with love and support. It's so nice to know that there are women out there that are loving and want to support other women. I love that!!

My hope is that we all start supporting one another and being more compassionate. We are all fighting our own battles. Why not help one another along the way? I always want to be that person that leaves another person feeling happier and motivated after leaving my presence. Even when I have a bad day or I'm stressed out; I make sure to always help others feel good about themselves.

Think of some ways that you can show someone kindness today...

God's Plan for My Life

I listened to two sermons over the weekend by Rick Warren; about getting our ship out of the harbor. He talked about dreams that we have in life and how we need to surrender our dreams to God in order for them to become successful. To completely give our dreams up to God. I feel like this sermon was exactly what I needed to hear this week.

He talked about those who try to sail through life on their own power and how we need to lean on God to get our ships out of the harbor. We can't do it on our own power. He talked about not making excuses or blaming others if you're not successful in life and how you need to have faith to go along with the dream that God has given you.

These sermons really resonated with me because I really work hard on my business and writing my books and have so many dreams in life. Instead of trying to do everything on my own, I have been working on leaning on God more to help me get my ship out of the harbor.

Things in my business have been going amazing. I love the clients that I work with- they are all amazing women who are extremely successful. But I want more out of life; I want God to abundantly bless my life so that I can be a blessing to others. I want to follow the purpose and plan that God has for my life. I'm going to keep praying and keep working and waiting. I'm giving my life over to God, completely. I want His plans for my life, not mine! I'm excited to see how God's plan for my life will unfold!

What are some things that you need to put in God's hands?

Who Gives You Encouragement?

What kind of support do you have in your life? Are you surrounded by positive girlfriends, and/or your family who are there for you when you're having difficult times or even just having a friend to hang out with to share in your successes in life?

I have to admit, I've never had supportive women/girlfriends like that. I've always had to be my own biggest supporter, my own coach, I have had to pull myself up by the bootstraps when I'm going through a rough time and give myself pep talks on the days that I'm feeling down. I don't remember many compliments being given & was constantly reminded that I was the same as everyone else and nothing special. I've never had a woman mentor to lift me up or tell me how amazing I am or what I am capable of and you guys, no matter how much I try to bury that in my subconscious, it really hurt and it affected my self-worth for a long time. It made me feel like wasn't important or that I didn't matter. They say that you don't miss what you've never had, but I have had glimpses of what other women have and I really want that too..

I am so envious of those women who have girlfriends to go out with to have a glass of wine or to go shopping. I admit that I'm extremely choosy of who I allow to be around me -I only allow myself to have authentic, positive relationships- I don't associate with takers, people who lie, cheat or who pretend to be something they're not- I feel that I should only have people surrounding me that are good for my spirit.

I've had my share of women that have tried to tear me down in my life or tried to bully me- I've never had much positive encouragement from another woman. None of the women ever asked how my business was doing or the books that I've published or complimented my weight loss or a new haircut- they honestly don't even know me as a person because they have never taken the time to really know me and I find that extremely sad. 

Luckily, I have been blessed with an amazing husband who does lift me up and brag to all of his co-workers about  how amazing that I am. But I still miss having having girlfriends to hang out with to talk about girly things. I have always been a big believer in women supporting and loving one another- I have never wanted to be a part of anything less. 

The other day on Instagram, this girl accidentally tagged me with some other mean girls who were bullying Carly Waddell from the Bachelor and I was so upset about it. I tagged her and begged her to please remove my name from being grouped with those girls that were making fun of Carly. I find that type of behavior to be so atrocious and don't want anything to do with it. I believe that there are so many different ways that you can bully someone - verbally, giving mean looks, by copying them so excessively until they feel like their identity has been stolen and they no longer feel like themselves or by passive aggressively ignoring someone like they don't exist. Those last two are the worst- I've experienced both and it really really hurts....No one wants to be made to feel like they don't exist or that someone is trying to replace them as if they no longer matter.

Because I know what it's like to feel left out and to feel alone, I have always gone above and beyond to support other women. I am very comfortable giving out compliments or listening when someone needs someone to talk to or wants advice. I know that because of never having those things myself, I am very sensitive to how I treat others and make sure that I always treat people in a kind manner even when they are unkind to me. 

It doesn't mean that all women will be best friends or have a compatible friendship- it just means that we have respect for one another and when someone needs help or support- to be there for them. It never hurts to be kind & it doesn't cost anything- so feel free to spread the love to others :) You never know who might being going through a difficult time and could use some support in their life. 

This year my prayer is that God sends me some Christian, loving women that are kind and supportive because I know that there are so many kind and supportive loving women out there, I just have to wait on God to send some into my life.

Do you have supportive girlfriends or a positive female mentor in your life?

God's Plan For My Life//

Hello there- I have somewhat of a confession to make...

I haven't been completely honest and up front on the blog- recently I put in my notice as Legal Assistant/Office Manager at the Law Firm after almost three years of working there. Yesterday was my last day after I worked my one month notice.

This past year, I began noticing that I just wasn't myself and that I had lost the passion that I had for my job in the beginning and I knew that it had come time for me to make a change.

God actually gave me a vision  (you can read about it here) about 8 months ago that I would be leaving this job- so knowing that really helped me feel at peace when I was making the decision.

Here are a couple of interesting quotes from that vision that I wrote about in my blog post:

I almost feel like he (God) knew this would hurt me, but he knew in the long run that it was the best thing for me, but he was still sad to see me hurting//

I know ultimately that anything in my future that God has planned for me will be the best for me- I trust him fully and completely with my life// I know that he loves me with an everlasting love and I love him more than anything// 

I have always put my trust in God and not once has he ever failed me- not once. People keep asking what my plans are, what am I going to do for a job and I want to tell them- it's not about my plans, it's about God's plans for my life. I want to go in the direction that he leads me. I don't know what is best for me, but he does and I trust him with my life.

Now that I have all of that behind me, I really want to slow down and focus on the things that I am passionate about- social media/email marketing, writing/blogging, design, photography, etc. I am very thankful for the things that I learned in my job in the time that I was there- such as email/social media marketing and CRM databases. I also learned how to use a Mac and I was able to have some creative freedom in graphic design to create flyers for non-profit events and seminars. I met so many great people and some life-long friends along the way. Instead of feeling as though I have failed, I feel that I have grown throughout this journey -I've learned so much more about myself and what I want and do not want out of life. I've gained more confidence and I have learned how to stand up for myself and ask for the things that I want. That is definitely a success, in my book.

So, starting today- I begin my new chapter and I will be keeping you all updated to my progress and how things are going! Stay tuned for what Day 1 brings!!

Spiritual Growth + Grateful//

Sitting here, taking a break from doing laundry + cleaning house before we get ready to leave for our 8 day Cruise early tomorrow morning. I am feeling so grateful today, because this week has been a really good one for me. So many great things happened and I just have this feeling that some wonderful breakthroughs are about to happen in my life!!

A few things that happened to me this week + some reasons that I am grateful:

>> I met a great friend this week- sometimes you just meet that person and hit it off instantly & have that spiritual connection + same morals & level of faith- that rarely happens to me, but it did this week! I love when I can talk to someone about God & be on the same level- that's an amazing thing!

>> I made up with my sister & we talked things out, I have forgiven her for things that were done and we have met up a few times for coffee and things have been going really well. I'm excited to grow our relationship better and stronger.

>> Among all of the reasons that I am grateful, this one seems the most trite. But, it did make me really happy so I am adding it to the list. I finally fit back into a pair of my old skinny jeans! I haven't fit into these jeans for several years, so that's a pretty great way to start off my vacation!

>> Had some spiritual eye-opening things happen to me this week- Revelations really. I'm excited to keep praying and see what God has in store for my life//

>> I stood up for myself against a bully at work & didn't run away or cry like I used to- I was cornered (once again) privately (they were actually waiting on me to walk into this room so that they could attack me) and this person verbally attacked me about several things and I stood my ground, I was firm but nice at the same time and walked away. I refuse to continue to allow another person to run over me or try to bully me- I'm tired of it. I'm the nicest person until someone continues to pick at me and push me and push me. God doesn't expect for me to be a punching bag for anyone- I don't believe in retaliation, but I believe in standing up for yourself. I was so proud of myself, I can tell that I have become a much stronger Christian. "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." Matthew 10:16

>> I have more confidence in myself  lately and I have noticed that I care less of what others think of me or if they choose to like me or not. I'm a strong Christian and I am fully dedicated to living a life devoted to God and that means that I won't be accepted by this world- I don't want to be part of things that are not of God. I want to find more like-minded Christians that truly believe in God and live dedicated to him and don't put limits on what he can do. My faith in God is huge- in my eyes he can do anything that I believe and pray for. God is so amazing- He is the most wonderful presence in my life- I refuse to live without him- I couldn't and wouldn't want to face this world on my own//

I am excited for things that God is bringing into my life- I feel the seasons changing- just a small shift, but I have been feeling it lately. This vacation has come at the perfect time in my life- I need a break to get away and just pray and talk to God. I am so excited to just relax and not worry about things. I will be back in about 10 or so days from now to blog all about my trip!! See you then!

What are some blessings that have happened to you lately?

Trusting in God to Meet all of My Needs//

    

I have a confession to make, recently the hubby and I were researching vacations (for about 1 month) and I was saying things like- we could travel here, but we can't afford the price. Or if only we had this certain amount of money, then we could go on this vacation. Later, I thought about it and realized that I was being negative about the situation- instead of worrying about finding a vacation that we would both love, I was more worried with how we were going to pay for it. I wasted so much time, worried about the money part that I should have just found one that we loved in the first place and purchased it and used that extra time to do something more productive. You can make more money, but you can't get more time// In the end, we ended up purchasing the vacation that we wanted, even though it cost more than what we wanted to spend. Life is about experiences and  you can't take money with you when you die. 

I have noticed in today's society, overhearing so many people complaining about money and how they spent this amount on this or that so now they can't "afford" to do this or that to the point where it comes off really negative.  Recently, I caught myself doing the same thing, saying how I would like to do this or go there, but I couldn't "afford" to.  I started to really think about how negative this type of talk truly is and if I say that I am a child of God and I trust in him to meet all of my needs, then why am I saying that I can't afford to do something? Now this is not to say, that I should go out to eat every meal of the day or go shopping all day every day, because that is going overboard in my opinion, whereas, a vacation for the hubby and I is a necessity because we have been working hard for the past couple of years without taking much of a break, besides a few days here or there. We should be believing that God will provide us with all of our needs- we shouldn't be complaining about what we don't have or how  we can't afford this or that. No matter what my bank balance may be, I know that if I need extra money, that God can increase the money that I do have.  Let's be honest, He's the one who owns it all anyway, not us. I don't know about you, but I would much rather put my trust in my Heavenly Father than anyone else on this earth, myself included, so I plan on trusting him to meet all of my needs!

Now, I don't want anyone to take what I am saying and say, well I believe that you should live within your means and not purchase that vacation. And to that I would say, I am very smart with my money and do live within my means. I  don't shop full retail, I shop mostly at consignment shops or wait to buy items that have been marked down. We also don't go out to eat much at all and when we do, we are conservative. Even on our new home, my husband took his own time and hard work and did most of the construction and saved us thousands of dollars. The cruise that we chose, even though it was more than I wanted to pay at the time,  was still a discounted pack & go rate so that ended up saving us money as well. I am all for trusting in God with my needs but that's not to say that I'm not smart with my money at the same time. Kind of similar to, when I had the flu last week, I started praying  to God for healing, but I also took my Elderberry cough medicine and flu medicine- you have to use common sense along with prayer. 

A really good example of how God provides, sometimes without us even asking, happened to me recently. I saw these pretty leather sandals in the window of an expensive leather shop in St. Augustine, Florida last year and I fell in love with them but I didn't want to pay the $200 + for them (I believe I have a photo of them on Instagram). They were simple, but very pretty. Recently, not only did I find that same pair of shoes, but I found a couple of other pairs that were very similar- they were all very inexpensive and I knew that God had done that for me. God loves all of his children that love him and He wants to take care of us when we give our lives over to Him and do His will, even when no one is watching.  It may seem like a simple thing to someone else, but God knew my heart and how I really loved those shoes and He blessed me..if you ask me, that's pretty amazing. I love God with all of my heart and I live for Him daily and I know that He loves me and wants the best for me. I trust in God in every area of my life and He will always take care of me and provide my every need// No matter what comes my way I will always trust in Him//

Just take a look in the Bible, these are just a handful of times (there are many more!) it mentions how God will take care of you:

Philippians 4:19- But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 

Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

Matthew 7:11- If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him?

Luke 12:24- Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse or barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

Finding the Silver Lining//

Hello y'all! Sorry for disappearing- usually when I don't blog, it's because there is just so much going on in my life. I hope that changes soon, because I really love coming here to write. Remember when I wrote about how I had been sick? If you haven't seen the blog post, you can check it out here.

The good news is that for the past week, I have been feeling much better! Not all of my symptoms are completely gone, but the really serious ones have not come back after 7 days- so I am claiming the healing! I still do not know exactly what was wrong with me, but it was something extremely serious and I know that because of  the prayers from friends and family- that God heard our prayers and healed my body. I could feel whatever it was, constantly eating away at my insides and losing weight rapidly- definitely not a good feeling. But I never stopped praying and never stopped believing that God was going to heal me. When the enemy tried to sneak in with words like stomach cancer and pancreatic cancer, I refused to claim it- I prayed and declared healing over my body. Jesus said, "For truly if you have faith as a grain of a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, Remove from here to yonder place, and it shall remove, and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

To be honest, I didn't realize how much my health truly meant to me, until it was being taken away. It is extremely devastating to be in my thirties and having to deal with health issues. It has been a huge wake-up call for me to make some changes in my life. I am still unable to eat gluten or soy without having reactions like my throat closing up, so I have had to eliminate them altogether. Dairy and sugar still aggravate me as well so I am looking into changing over completely to stevia and possibly coconut milk, hopefully that will help.

So, you know how I always find the silver lining in every trial? Well, the silver lining to this trial is that now do I not only appreciate being in good health, but also that I finally lost the weight that I have been trying to get off for the last couple of years. I have lost 17 pounds in a 2 month time frame- there is no way that I could have done that without being sick. I was not planning on giving up my pasta and cheese anytime soon- I can't help it, I'm a major foodie! So if there is something to be thankful for through this trial, that would be it! On top of all of that, my faith has become even stronger, if that is even possible. I truly believe that with faith and prayer, that anything is possible!!

I just want to say thank you to the ones who checked on me and prayed for me- the support means so much to me. It's such a blessing to have my health back and I beyond grateful. To celebrate, the hubby and I are going to Seaside tomorrow to take a much needed break! Plus, we are going to celebrate his birthday since we didn't get to celebrate last Monday. Speaking of, I need to go & pack a beach bag- we are leaving early tomorrow morning!

I did some research on Seaside, FL and they have lots of cute little shops and foodie trucks. The Truman Show was also filmed in this little town as well as the Food Network. I am so excited to sample from all of the different foodie trucks!

Trusting in God//

So I know that I haven't done a follow-up post since the first of June, when I talked here about the health issues that I was going through. Mostly, because it's not really fun to talk about health issues and I hate being a person that complains. Since then, I have been doing research in my spare time, trying to figure out what is going on with my body. And unfortunately, my symptoms have gotten worse, instead of better.

Some new symptoms:
//Weight loss- I've lost 14 lbs. quite quickly
//Feels like there is something inside my stomach, eating away and twisting my insides- it's gotten so out of hand that it feels like there is a giant hole in my stomach & my tummy constantly rumbles// It makes it very difficult to live a normal life.
//Cramps/Pain in my chest
//Difficulty swallowing- sometimes, it feels like my throat is closing up & I have limited breathing
//Stomach upset + nausea
//Fatigue
//Insomnia

I still am unable to eat dairy, gluten, soy or sugar and I am avoiding alcohol. So pretty much I only eat lean meats (try to stay away from red meats & pork), olive oil, vegetables, hot teas and low-sugar fruits. I really miss my coffee (I still have some occasionally but it doesn't agree with me), pasta, cheese, wine, dairy, butter. Maybe one day I can eat those foods again, in moderation.

After a couple months of researching, I have come to the conclusion that I most likely I have a stomach ulcer/infection. Even as a child, I have always been a sensitive person-both physically and emotionally and it makes my body susceptible to attack.

I am not able to take prescription medicine because I am chemically-sensitive, even something as minor as advil or aspirin makes me nauseous and dizzy. The herbal remedies pictured above are what I am currently taking. I take all of these during the day with the exception of the probiotics, calm, colon cleanse,  msm and coconut oil. I mix those together to drink as a night-time cocktail with my Valerian to help with sleep. This afternoon, I ordered more vitamins that I researched- slippery elm, boswellia, more enzymes, apple cider vinegar and mastica gum.

And of course, prayer is the most important thing that I am doing for myself. I am praying for healing for my body and I am believing for it.. The same way that I prayed for healing for Roscoe when he was paralyzed and was unable to walk. God showed me in a dream, months before, that Roscoe was walking again and after 8 months of being completely paralyzed, God healed his little body- one of the greatest miracles that I have ever seen in my life! He is so merciful and so good to me all of the time, even when I don't deserve his love. I love him so much, no matter what I have to go through.

God has never failed me or abandoned me, not one time and I know that even though I may feel like I am walking through this valley alone- He is right there by my side walking with me. I don't understand why I have to go through this, but God has his reasons and I am willing to go through this if it is what he requires from me. I know the plans that God has for me, plans for good and not evil, plans to give me a hope and a future. I don't know what life holds for me in my future, but as long as God is in it, I am at peace with his decision. I put my life in his hands, not fearing but with complete trust and faith that he will take care of me. After all, I am his child, he loves me so much:)

Have you ever seen a miracle that couldn't be explained away?

Trusting in God//

Hello lovelies! I feel like lately that I am always apologizing for being absent from blogging, but my life has been chaotic and I have been dealing with some health issues that started in the last few months and I haven't really had any energy left to blog at the end of the day. Because I have not been feeling well, I have been making some big life changes to reduce my daily stress.

Not to go into too much detail, but I started noticing that everything that I ate was making me sick, all of a sudden I started developing food allergies where certain foods made my heart race at an abnormal rate (to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack). On top of that, I started having extreme anxiety, chronic fatigue and depression. So I have been making changes in my life to try to begin the process of healing my body.

Some things that I have started doing that seem to help:

Eliminate allergy causing foods- soy, nuts, grains (not even gluten free), dairy, sugar, alcohol (I did have a small glass diluted with organic juice the other day..oops)
Changed my Diet - now I only eat organic grass-fed meats, low sugar fruits and vegetables (I feel like I'm starving most of the time)
Vitamins-daily intake of probiotics, enzymes, chlorophyll
Eliminated the gym (it was causing me added stress trying to keep up- every day carrying gym bag to work, remember water, snacks, etc- for me it just became a burden)
Slow down- I have been doing way too much and feel overwhelmed like I am drowning. I am not taking on anything right now until my body rests and I start to feel better. Right now I am taking one day at a time and just doing what I can.
Eliminated Work Meetings- Meetings and social events cause me extreme anxiety and seem to make me even more sick. I made the mistake of attending a lunch meeting this Thursday and my stomach was in knots the entire time- I instantly regretting going.
Stop being a Type-A Perfectionist- honestly being such a workaholic and extreme goal setter is physically killing me. I am working on becoming a more laid back person and not let things get to me. Very difficult to do, especially since I have been Type A since I can remember.
Eliminate drama/people who cause me stress- I can't be around anyone that causes me additional stress or anyone who upsets me. I need positive support around me right now.
Eliminate Toxins- toxins put added stress on the body, so I have been staying away from anything that has toxins- my biggest problem is out in the community dealing with smoke, paints, perfumes. My home has been 100% organic for about 15 years because I have a low tolerance for chemicals in any forms. This week, the paint crew painted the front of our office and I had a headache every day for the entire week.
Planning a vacation soon- we are planning a beach weekend as soon as we get the house painted.

The positives of this experience has been the fact that I can't stomach much of anything and I have lost 10 lbs in the last couple of months, but being a true foodie I really miss eating. The other positive is that I have learned so much more about health and different ways that I can help make my body the best that it can be. There have been lots of negatives- dealing with depression and anxiety along with chronic fatigue is extremely difficult and people sometimes think that you can just say "snap out of it" or they think that you are feeling sorry for yourself. If I hadn't gone through this myself, I may have thought the same thing- but it's not that simple. The bad thing is that I am a master at covering up how I truly feel-I have always been the one to put on a mask when I feel sad or when I don't feel well. I am so good at it, that I can fool anyone into thinking that I am the most happiest, well-adjusted, healthiest person in the world. That has definitely been a double-edged sword for me.

Today, at work- I heard a song that I listened to when our dog, Roscoe was paralyzed for 8 months- at a time in my life when I felt hopeless, heartbroken and depressed. I remembered what we went through with him and how sad it was to walk that journey and how I felt all alone, it was the darkest place that I have ever been through in my life. But God was right there holding out his hand and he walked me through it..

Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't  you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But you never said the road would be easy
But you said that you would never leave me
And you never promised that this life wasn't hard
But you promised you would take care of me
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
When my friends and family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful

Even if my dreams have died
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all of my life

No matter what I go through in life, I will continue to praise God through it and always turn to him. Without God, I could never survive this life. He has been my shelter, my protector, my provider- He's my everything and I love Him above everything in this life. Nothing will take me away from Him//

 I plan on taking this trial that God has allowed me to go through to allow me to become a stronger person. I am going to pray and declare healing for my body and the strength to get through it and one day I hope that I can use what I have been through to help someone else. The more trials that I go through, the more that I have compassion for someone who is going through the same thing. When you know what it's like to be heart broken, sick, rejected, mistreated and hopeless- that's when you can have compassion for others and reach down and help someone else up. I know that God has allowed this for a reason- I will not let it defeat me, but instead I will use it to grow into a stronger Christian. God has a plan for my future- plans for good not evil, plans for a hope and a future. I want God's dream for my life, not my own and not anyone else's. I am excited to see what he has in store for my life!

Emotionally Spent//

“Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.” -Shannon L. Alder

“The people you think are the happiest are usually the saddest; that's because they see more and feel deeper than others do. They are the sensitive and they see beyond the veil of what's tangible and what's not. They wear no masks and can see through the masks of others. The sensitive to life are few in number, which is why they feel so alone...because they are all alone.” - Donna Lynn Hope


Those two quotes, explain who I am perfectly. To say I've had a rough few days is an understatement.. I'm not posting this via Facebook like I normally do, because I really don't want to invite people to read this, because it's such a sad post but I just need to get some things off my chest. I want so badly to be this happy and positive person. I hate feeling sad or burdening others with my issues but there is so much sadness in my heart that it's really hard to hold it inside.

The first of this week, my sister messaged me after over 3 months of not talking- asking how I was doing and we ended up talking back and forth. I tried to explain to her how hurt I was from the things her and my other siblings had put me through- several of my family members had spread malicious rumors about my marriage and it cut me to the core. I have always been on one side because I am extremely different (they have never accepted me) and they are on another side-  I went through being verbally attacked & made fun of by siblings and their friends,and all of my family sat back and allowed it to happen.

I remember when our dog, Roscoe was paralyzed and I went to visit my Mom on a Friday after work- my brother came in and my Mom told him that he couldn't hug me because I had Roscoe in a baby sling and Roscoe wouldn't like it because he was very overprotective of me. My brother said, "let him bite me and I will knock that dog in the head." Anyone who knows me, knows how much I loved Roscoe and on top of it he was paralyzed and had been depressed. I don't know if you have ever been around an animal when they are depressed but it's heart-wrenching, especially when you can't do anything to take away their hurt. I responded back, if you touch him, it won't be pretty. I will always stand up for anyone being mistreated. But it didn't stop there, my brother launched into an attack towards me and my Mother sat there and never said one word. She didn't try to tell him to stop, or even try to diffuse the situation- I had to sit there with a sick dog in my arms and defend myself. I held myself together, not crying, until he walked outside and I broke down crying -my Mother didn't come to comfort me, she just let me cry. Just like right after Roscoe had died, I started crying at her house and she wouldn't hug me- she didn't say a word.  She is the only Mother I have, but I don't feel loved or cared for by her and I have always had this huge void, not feeling loved. I feel alone, abandoned and rejected- my heart will probably always be broken knowing that I have this big family, but never truly feeling loved.

My sister and I continued to talk, and as always, she turned the situation around on me- everything was conveniently my fault and in her eyes I owe the entire family an apology. The only thing that I did was withdraw when several of them kept attacking me and my husband- I just couldn't take the abuse anymore. I was so shocked that after being the one who has been attacked over and over- that in her eyes I owed an apology instead of the other way around. I thought that talking it out would help me heal and that she would understand how deeply hurt I was but instead she just kept making jabs at me the entire conversation just to twist the knife more. Not once, did she ever really listen to what I had to say, it was all about her being right. For me, it's about being happy- I don't care who's right. Just acknowledge others feelings, apologize and move on. But she wouldn't give me that much- in some ways I feel that gives her the power to keep me in pain, knowing that we couldn't work things out. So now I will continue to feel tortured and guilty and take all of the blame.

I ended up being really upset by the things that she said, having to hold back tears until I got home today and I just broke down crying. I asked my husband- Why do they want to hurt me so badly? What did I ever do to them? I have always been there for them in their darkest moments and never tried to hurt them. Sometimes, it sucks being the person that I am because I always take the blame and give everyone chances upon chances even after they hurt me one too many times. I know that I am too compassionate, but I also love that side of me. I think it's extremely sad that people would take advantage of someone that gives all of their heart and love, just because they know that person will try to keep the peace and always see the best in others. It makes me want to crawl back into my shell and not allow anyone else in my heart..do you know how hard it is to trust someone and to truly discern if they truly love you or just want to use you? It's hard for me, because I have dealt with this all of my life.

Honestly, even now, I feel sorry for my family because I feel that by telling them that I can't be around them any longer is hurting them. I never want to hurt anyone, it breaks my heart right now to even think about one of my siblings in tears. I worry more about them than I do myself-but at one point, do I finally put myself first? If they would apologize and promise to stop hurting me, I could accept it and work towards a healthy relationship. But after our conversation, my sister ended up hurting me even more with her words. Even through 2 days of going back and forth trying to work through things, not once did I say things to try to hurt her- I know that once  words are spoken that they can't be retrieved. I have experienced how deeply words hurt and I don't want to be guilty of doing that to another person.

The worst part is, that I truly miss my little nieces and nephews- that really breaks my heart into little pieces..if they have any ammunition, that would definitely be it. On the other hand, I don't believe that God expects me as a Christian to take constant verbal and emotional abuse- it just pulls me down and makes me focus on the wrong things. Today, I am just emotionally drained and need to not think for a while. I have to put it all in God's hands and I will be praying for my family from a distance- that's all I can do for now...

Reflecting Back//

I feel this way constantly//

Hello lovelies, hope that you are all having a great weekend! I have really enjoyed mine so far- got some things accomplished but also took some time out to relax. March is always the busiest & most stressful month of the year because we have our Annual Senior Living Expo + it's my birthday month + the boss's birthday month + Hands and Hearts Hoe Down Event. So yes, lots going on!

We had a great turn-out for our Senior Living Expo this year, it was a little stressful running around making all the little details were in place at first. Even when you delegate some things + organize every little detail, something is always bound to come up. I had been in contact with WALB news about coming out to film our event and Diana assured me that she was putting it on the calendar so I was very excited when they showed up! We had so much positive feedback from all of the vendors as well as the attendees, so a win-win overall! We went to Bacchus Wine Bar to Celebrate and had a great time- I think I was hugging everyone and telling them how much that I loved them. I tend to get really lovey when I drink, oops...

I've been trying to work really hard to get healthy & fit, especially with several events coming up. I have been going to go to the gym daily including Saturdays. I also just started taking some new vitamins- bee pollen, antioxidant, magnesium- so I am curious to see how they benefit me.

This weekend the hubby and I planted a small container garden - yellow squash, zucchini squash, cherry tomatoes, better boy tomatoes, ichiban eggplant, bell-peppers, cucumbers, lavender, basil, parsley and lemon thyme. We have always had a garden every year, so I'm excited to have one this year! It was the perfect weekend to be outside enjoying the beautiful weather and I am indoors 90% of the time so I was happy to be outdoors//

I also made soy candles from all of my old candles,did some laundry, made the hubby some requested beef stew & cleaned around the house while I listened to some Rick Warren sermons. I even made time to tan & read almost an entire book- it was so nice to just sit still and relax, something that is extremely rare for me.

On a completely different note. This evening, I was listening to one of my favorite christian songs-"Abandoned", by Brian & Jenn Johnson while I was typing and I saw the sun setting so beautifully to the left of me and I remembered back to the first of April 2014 when I carried Roscoe up a 24 foot ladder in my arms, so that we could sit atop the second floor of our new home. We sat there, him in my lap watching the beautiful view, the sun was setting and he was so happy soaking up the sunshine. Four days later, he passed away in my arms..today, I held him in my lap while I wrote this blog post- I still miss him, his kisses..following me around everywhere I went, but I know that God took him from me, because he has something bigger planned for my life...I never want to waste that.

Whatever reason that God decided to take Roscoe, I want him to use my life for something bigger. Sometimes, I feel guilty because I make mistakes and I get busy and I lose focus on what really matters in life and feel like I am not being a light to others or the best christian like I should be. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but I do know that I love God with all of my heart and I genuinely love people and want to help others through their hard times and be there for them//

With all of that being said, I want to leave you with some photos of Roscoe, I know that he is in heaven right now with God surrounded by immeasurable love// Honestly, I feel like Roscoe is the lucky one, I wish I were there with God- this earth is just my temporary home and I can't wait to get to heaven to meet God and to see Roscoe again & hug him and give him kisses//

Picnic at Callaway Gardens//

Overwhelmed with Life//

February is quickly coming to an end in a few days and I don't really feel that I accomplished too much this month. Mostly because my husband had food poisoning one week then he got a cold (which he passed on to me) and he also pulled a muscle to the point that he could not walk at all, which caused us a huge setback on the house and getting in shape at the gym- two of my biggest goals for February.  I've cancelled my birthday party plans to go to the beach because he's not in good shape to walk. My husband is still on probation at work and wasn't paid for the 4.5 days he had to be out, so that has been frustrating as well. I'm not sure why everything is hitting us all at once, but I am going to just trust God that he has a reason for us to be going through all of this right now.

I have always had the ability to find the silver lining/blessing in any situation- the Doctor's visit didn't cost us much at all and the prognosis was positive. My husband was just told that he needed to rest and take the prescribed medicine- it could have been much worse. The other positive part was that we were both forced to rest- I am sure that God saw that we have been working ourselves into the ground and that was the only way that he saw that we would actually stop and rest. Also, I have been praying more because I have this extra time and I am usually always on the go. I want to start making more time for God. Nothing in my life is more important than spending time alone with him.

We were able to get a couple of things accomplished before things took a turn for the worse:

//Cleaned out half of the garage and donated 2 truckloads of things to a local charity that helps the less fortunate
//Wood Floors are finished
//Painted the last 3 interior Doors
//Two Doors are framed out with trim and molding
//Appraiser came out and it looks like we are good to go on Home Equity Loan
//House Insurance finally all straightened out
//Gym- we joined the first of February, but have only attended about 10 times

March Goals:
//Leave work stress at work- I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed lately, I take the stress home with me and I feel horrible for giving my husband the worst part of me instead of the best..When I get too overwhelmed I end up having anxiety + breathing problems at night//
//Have a successful 2nd Annual Senior Living Expo- I have been putting 150% into this Expo, so I am expecting an awesome turnout.
//Go to the gym daily (lose 5 lbs.)
//Eat healthier, more green smoothies, salads, more water, etc.
//Celebrate Birthday or move to a later date
//Buy new furniture at IKEA
//Put hardware on closet doors
//Do simple  housework- trim, molding
//Go on a weekend trip to the beach
//Clean out Garage more- donate more items
//Take time out in the mornings to talk to God before I start my day at work
//Purchase Juicer or Vita-mix

Being able to accomplish what we did before my husband got hurt, is a blessing as well. Things may seem rough right now, but I know that God has never let me down in life so far. One of our favorite bible verses as a couple is- "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." As always, we will put our trust in him and know that everything is going to work out the way that he has planned//

True Love -For Better or Worse//

   

Unfortunately, the hubby and I got so caught up working on our house that we didn't really have time to celebrate Valentine's Day over the weekend. We were trying to get everything finished in time for the appraiser to come out on Tuesday. The worst thing is that my husband pushed himself to the point to where he not only got a cold but also pulled a groin muscle and I was out of work taking care of him most of the week. He literally couldn't walk on Monday- if you could have seen me trying to help him up the 20 + stairs to our house- you would have cried for me and him both.

He was at a point that he couldn't get up to go to the bathroom, basically bed bound,so I have been doing everything for him. Helping him into bed, in and out of the bath tub to soak in Epsom salts (we laughed to keep from crying it was so difficult), ice packs, giving him pain medicine, elevating his leg, bringing him beverages, food- I even made a home-made coconut oil + lavender salve to put on his pulled muscle and gave him massages to speed up the healing process. I would rather myself be in pain than to see my husband in pain- so I will do anything to make him better.

My husband is used to being the strong one, he is always so strong for me, always taking care of me. When my Father passed away and my family mistreated me, he felt like it was his job to step in and protect me and keep me safe. It is extremely difficult for me to see him helpless and the roles being reversed to where I have to be the strong one..I walked in the room the other day and he had broken down because he felt helpless and hated not being able to do anything for himself.  I just hugged him and laid on the bed beside him and prayed over his body for healing.

The honest truth is that I would take his pain if I could- just the thought of him being sick or hurt, scares me to death. I don't want to ever imagine my life without him-he is my best friend, my lover, my strength when I am feeling down or weak- sometimes I don't realize how much of a support that my husband is for me and I don't think he realizes how much that I love and care for him until one of us gets hurt or sick- then everything seems to instantly become clear//

Don't get me wrong, I adore Valentine's Day, but I don't need roses, dinner or gifts to see how much my husband loves me or to show my husband  how much that I love him. For me, loving someone is in the everyday things. Like the other day, I was taking care of him and he said "You're my baby", I thought it was so sweet// Or, the fact that I was joking about looking pretty for the appraiser so that he would give us a good appraisal- my husband said, "Don't look too pretty to where he gets obsessed with you."- I thought that was so sweet that he thought someone else might become obsessed with me (although, I personally don't foresee that being a problem) it's things like that shows me how much my husband loves me.

When we were married 15 1/2 years ago- the vows we spoke were for better or for worse and we both meant every word of it. I know that God put my husband and I together to love and be a support for one another. Both of us bring something to each other's life- I respect and build my husband up and support him and he makes me feel protected and loved. For me, that is what love is-  it's about both sides giving, compromising and loving and taking care of one another.

What makes you feel loved?

Dreams//

The other night I had an interesting dream. I am a person who dreams constantly and 95% of my dreams have a spiritual meaning and purpose. I have had many dreams that I know were given to my by God and I have watched several come to fruition// 

In this dream, I dreamed that  I was walking up to this beautiful brick building with gorgeous details and architecture. It was my new office building and I started walking up the steps- the front doors were beautiful double doors. I walked into my office building which was massive with tall ceilings, almost like a cathedral and I had this beautiful, large office space and there were smaller office spaces as well. My boss came out to see me and asked me to come in his office to speak with him. In my dream, my boss was this very tall, muscular man..his face was obscure, I don't remember what he looked like. I just remember that he had this strong, ultra masculine presence about him. 

I went into his office and sat down in the chair while he sat right beside me, but above me on the desktop and he proceeded to tell me that one of the employees was throwing a tantrum because my office was so much nicer and bigger and he had requested my office. I remember this employee in my dream being lazy and entitled and he had not put in the work like I had, to be in the position that I was in. I was very upset because I had gone above and beyond and worked so hard to be promoted to that nice office. I started to cry and my boss in the dream, held me in his arms and he comforted me. He seemed to not really want to give my office to this guy and I couldn't understand why he would allow this entitled employee to just take everything that I had worked so hard for when he didn't deserve it.

The strangest part, was when he was holding me, the overwhelming love and closeness that I felt for this man- he was so strong and his big arms were wrapped around me protecting me. I have never been held this way in my life...this is going to sound crazy, but it came to me when I awoke that this was GOD holding me..I didn't want to leave his arms. I have never felt more safe and protected in my entire life//

I almost feel like he knew this would hurt me, but he knew in the long run that it was the best thing for me, but he was still sad to see me hurting//

I know ultimately that anything in my future that God has planned for me will be the best for me- I trust him fully and completely with my life// I know that he loves me with an everlasting love and I love him more than anything//

Celebrating my Two-year Work Anniversary!

Today I celebrate my two year work anniversary! Honestly, I can't believe it flew by so fast and it's been an amazing ride!  I've learned so much about Legal/Estate Planning, becoming a Notary Public, marketing, Seminars, graphic design, event planning to name a few. I've grown so much at this job and met some really great people. I've become a much more confident person that is less worried with what others think and I'm excited with the person that I am becoming.

I'm very blessed to have such a nice boss and his wife that have been a huge part of my growth and I love them like family. I know that God placed me on this path for a reason. Even when people around me were telling me that I shouldn't move from my husband's hometown and I shouldn't leave my job at Phoebe - I prayed about it and stepped out in faith with no way of knowing how things were going to turn out, but I put my trust in God. I've learned to always follow God's ways, not man's ways, because he knows best. I am so glad that I listened and trusted in him, even during the rough times, I just tied a knot in my rope and held on and he did not let me down!

I look forward to seeing what the future holds for me and I know that as long as God is in the middle of it that the future is going to be so amazing! 

I Am Ready//

Lately, I have felt further and further away from God- I am the one that has allowed things to get in between my relationship with God and I miss his presence so much. He didn't leave me, I was the one who backed away from him. I allowed my hurts that I have gone through to make me angry and bitter at life- my family hurting me, my dog passing away, just having to work so hard in life to get back on track, sometimes it all feels unfair.. But instead of focusing at what I don't have..I want to be grateful for what I do have..God has been so good to me when I haven't deserved it.

The realization hit me when God answered a prayer and I realized the beauty of it all. He didn't have to answer that prayer, but his love for me outweighs everything. He didn't say no because of the fact that I didn't deserve it or earn it..he did it because he loves me unconditionally, with no ulterior motives. How amazing is that? I am the apple of his eye...He loves me for me. Instead of searching for that everywhere else, it was right there in front of me all of this time// God was there, patiently waiting for me to come back to him//

Every time I have been broken and at my lowest, enemies attacking me, and feeling like there was no hope left- God was the one who was always there for me. He has never once let me down, every time that I have prayed and cried he has answered. 

I am not entirely sure, but maybe God let Roscoe go on to Heaven because he wanted to grow our relationship and make me stronger. Below is one of the songs that I was listening to and praying along to before Roscoe passed away- notice the lyrics "I let go of all that I have just to have all of you" "And no matter what the cost I will follow you" - Roscoe was the one of the most precious things that I have ever had to let go of- when I tell you that I loved him more than myself, I am not exaggerating in the least bit. Yet, I would give it all up for God.. I will always follow him wherever he leads me. He is the love of my life// 

I am ready for God to take my heart, my life and use it for his good, not my own..I want to be a light, to help the broken, the sad, the helpless and alone..

All I am Lord here before You
Reaching out for more
You're the promise never failing
You are my reward,
Jesus, You are my reward

There's no riches or earthly treasure

That will satisfy
Every longing is for You Jesus
Set this heart on fire
Oh, set this heart on fire

I let go of all I have just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost I will follow You
Jesus everything I've lost I have found in You
When I finally reach the end I'll say
You are worth it all

When I'm there in Your glorious presence
Every knee is bowed before You
Hear the sound of heaven singing
You are worth it all

All the saints cry holy holy
Angels singing worthy worthy
Forever I will shout Your praises
You are worth it all

You are worth it all

I let go of all I have just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost I will follow You
Jesus everything I've lost I have found in You

When I finally reach the end I'll say

I let go of all I have just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost I will follow You