Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Letting Go//

If you've never watched this video by King & Country "Without You"- you should watch it- for me, it relates to how I felt with losing my Dad and my dog, Roscoe- letting go of those that I love is the most difficult thing that I will ever do in my life//

Today was one of those days- ever have those days when something triggers you and just makes you sad? That's how I felt today- I felt so alone and invisible like I didn't matter really to anyone.. and then I started missing my Dad, and then my dog, Roscoe- they were the two in my life that loved me unconditionally and the hardest for me to let go and I really don't know how to let the sadness go. It's always there deep down, until something triggers it, then I can't stop crying..Sometimes, I have to just cry, release the pain so I don't drown in it...Do you ever completely let go of that kind of pain? I never want to forget them..

It's extremely difficult to cope when you always feel like a piece of your heart is missing- I wish I knew how to completely heal, I hate feeling broken..I am one of those people who has a very difficult time letting go, I just keep holding on, holding on...even when someone's gone or when they no longer treat me kindly. My heart and the love that I have feels too big for this world sometimes//

My heart has been so broken lately, because it recently came to light that several of my siblings really could care less if I existed- I guess I just always hoped that I could have a relationship with my brothers and sisters and that they would learn to finally love and accept me for who I am. I am so envious of sisters who have a close relationship or who look up to their older brothers...I lost my Father over 14 years ago, so when he died, I really needed my older siblings to be there for me and support I have always done for them. Instead, soon after, the family dynamics changed drastically and I found several of them turning on me. I was just so hurt- I cried so much and couldn't figure out how to fix it so that they would love me. I didn't realize that I should never have to prove myself or change who I am so that someone will love me. I guess my lesson for the upcoming new year, is if a person wants to leave you, let them walk away, don't try to beg them to stay, let them go. Letting go of someone you love, even if they are alive, is still a huge loss- it's letting go of what used to be, the good times that you had with that person- like my older sister tucking me in to sleep or my older brother threatening to beat up the boyfriend who was treating me's like a death of what used to be//

So right now, in this moment, even before 2015 arrives- I am releasing this burden from my shoulders- I am letting go of the relationships that no longer exist, the hope of people changing for the better and memories that will never be relived again. I am letting go of the fact that I can't make someone love me or see me for the true me- people are going to believe what they choose to and I will never be able to change their mind. I release it all to God, I am tired of carrying it around with me every day-it's such a heavy burden.  I can't go forward in the future that God has planned for me, if I keep living in the past and what might have been. 

I want to go into 2015 leaving all of this behind me, I am so ready for a new year, a new beginning- I am ready for good things to come into my life, I want to be happy again. I hope that if you have anything that is pulling you down and breaking your heart, that you will let it go today. It's not an easy thing to do, but I believe that things will start looking up once we leave our burdens behind and let God take care of them.

What are you having a hard time letting go of?

Friday, December 12, 2014

Eshakti Dress Review

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by Jane from Eshakti about a collaboration and review for a Custom made outfit of my choice. Honestly, I have never had anything custom made before, so I was excited for the opportunity! 

Eshakti offers all of their styles from 0-36- sizing for women, all shapes and sizes! The customization process was very effortless and simple. Basically, you would just measure the waist, hips, arms, back, chest, etc- once they have your measurements and you choose the style of clothing that you like- they custom make everything to fit your measurements. The dress that I am wearing actually had imprinted colorful flowers on the front and I was able to customize it to remove the flowers to make it a more classic dress.  I was also able to add or remove the pockets, but I adore a dress with pockets- genius!

I am very pleased with my experience with Eshakti- as soon as I tried my custom made dress on, I fell in love with it. I don't think I have ever received so many compliments about a dress! I am very excited to do some shopping on their website- they have so many different styles to choose from including dresses, skirts, jackets, etc. I would definitely recommend visiting their website to check out the different styles. You can also visit them on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter

Eshakti is graciously offering all of my lovely readers a 10% OFF when you use promotional code- mylifebeingrenewed – valid from 12/12/2014 – 01/12/2015. Happy shopping!

*The Eshakti custom made dress was sent to me to review free of charge, however, I was not paid any money to do this product review. Any products that I review are of my own personal opinion and experience.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Life update//

Hello lovely people! It's been a little while since I've blogged- things have been crazy, lots of having fun, working, growing- life pretty much:)

Work has been busy, but good-I've been doing lots of things out of my comfort zone which has helped me with my anxiety. I've learned so much and taken on so much more since I started working at my new job (now almost 2 years) and I love working with my boss- we are a team and he always has my back, which I really appreciate.

House- my husband has almost finished with the entire living room, dining room and kitchen wood flooring. We still need to buy a couch, coffee table and a nice chair for the living room- we have been going to Home Goods almost every week to try to find something that we like. The shower wall tile is now finished, the curved shower curtain rod is now installed and the exterior siding is half-way finished. We have also been doing a lot of yard-cleaning and having bonfires with romantic picnics by the fire- definitely enjoying that part of country living! Things are coming together and I am excited for it to be finished so that we can enjoy!

Self- I have been working on my inner-self a lot lately and I am very happy with the person that I am becoming.  It's only taken me 30-something years to come out of my shell and start loving myself and to begin standing up for myself- now I never want to go back to being that person that I used to be again.

Spiritual- I have been doing lots of praying and getting my relationship back on track with God. I felt like for a couple of months, I got into a negative head-space again and instead of thanking God for the good, I was finding all of the negative in  some situations that I have been going through. I will admit that I have been under extreme stress, but I should have stopped and gave it over to God instead of letting myself get anxious. Honestly, it's just so much easier that way:)

Family- I have also had some clarification on the whole family dynamic- when I pulled away from my family for about 8-10 months, coming back really opened up my eyes to who really cared about me and who was just using me. Definitely not an easy thing to come to terms with, but to see the truth really lifted a weight off of my shoulders- I was carrying around so much guilt and anxiety feeling like I shouldn't have pulled away. But in the end it was the best thing that I could have done for myself. This Friday my family had a Christmas auction and it was then that I realized that I can go to family functions and visit with the family members that I enjoy being with and for the ones that are toxic, I can be an adult and just not be around them. In the past, I would withdraw completely from everyone and not even go at all because I didn't want to even see certain people. For me, that is extreme growth.

Fun- We have taken some time out from working to watch some movies and we also had fun on Small Business Saturday hitting up all of the local shops in our hometown- we were able to almost finish our Christmas shopping! We also put up our first real Christmas tree in 4 years- it's nice to finally be in our new house having Christmas this year.

I just cannot believe that 2014 is coming to an end in 25's been an interesting year-lots of trials and a few heartaches and disappointments, but some really great growth came out of it as well. I am excited to see what the new year brings- as long as God is in it, it is bound to be full of amazing things!

Hope that you are all having a lovely weekend!!

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Destin Weekend//

I was trying so hard not to laugh because this seagull totally photo-bombed our picture! haha

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Weekend Trip to Destin Florida!

Last weekend, we made a spontaneous trip to Destin, Florida with my husband's Mother and her Friend- best decision ever!!

Day 1:

I love Forever 21

My husband bought a Christmas Gift for me from Coach

Williams Sonoma

We didn't have a plan, so I checked with Trip Advisor on my iPhone and this place had over 1200 reviews!

They had a $4 happy hour special so I had two of these- so good!! 

Now I know why they had some many great reviews- the Large Captain's Platter is to die for- oh my gosh!! I am thinking about making a trip back just to visit Back Porch again!!

I'll be back tomorrow with Day 2!!

Monday, October 27, 2014

Life Lately//

Life has been crazy hectic- I haven't even had the time or the energy to blog. (We even skipped the invite to the Biggest Loser Grand Opening in Amelia Island to meet Jessie Pavelka- that was sooo hard to miss!!) Today, I am using my lunch break to blog- it's about the only free time that I have lately. The weekend was great- we were able to accomplish so much the last few weekends- I thought it would be fun to give an update on everything.

//Dining Room + chairs purchase- we now have a dining room table to have dinner!!
//Vanity table + chair purchase- I am no longer sitting on the floor doing hair & makeup- thank goodness!!
// Wine Rack chest purchase
//Ordered more tile- picked up this weekend
//Ordered more wood floors- they were delivered last week
// Yard-work- borrowed my Mom's riding mower & push mower (ours stopped working) & did a clean up a couple of weekends ago- it took us the entire weekend to get the yard looking decent + we loaded an entire truck-load of bricks & concrete to throw away. Maintaining 3 acres of land is no easy task!!
//Cleaned Garage out some- threw out some things
//Had a Bon-fire + Beer night - just the hubby & I -we burned all of the branches + sticks that we picked up from working in the yards

We still have some things left to do- the main things are to put down the remaining wood flooring, the shower rod + curtain and the hard-board siding. We still have small things left to do like interior/exterior trim and more closet shelving, but we will do those later once the big things are finished.

I have to say, I am so proud of my husband, he works a full-time job all day and he comes home every day and works on either the exterior siding or putting down flooring. It's not easy to come home to work again after you've already worked all day, not to mention also working the entire weekend with only a 30-minute break here and there. My husband amazes me all of the time- he is the best gift that God ever gave me- but I will save that for another day//

Once the house is done, we will be enjoying our weekends, going on vacation and enjoying ourselves! I personally am so excited to be finished- we have been working way too hard and not playing any and I'm starting to go a little stir-crazy. A vacation is definitely in the works for Thanksgiving week!!

What are you plans for Thanksgiving? Dinner with family? A vacation?

Friday, October 10, 2014

Fall Favorites//

Lots going on in my life, some new progress with the house and life in general. I will elaborate more about it over the weekend, but for today I just want to keep things simple and post some of my favorite Fall things!

Loving the dark lips for Fall//

Love this but needs to be faux fur//

Burberry Coat- I need this!

Have a lovely weekend!!