Monday, September 29, 2014

Progress//



Sorry I have been absent from blogging lately, but I have been extremely busy trying to get the garage cleaned out and organized. The more that I get rid of, the happier that I feel- I hate clutter & unnecessary stuff! An added bonus is that I have made almost $150 so far- definitely saving the extra money for decorating our new home.

I'm also really excited because my husband is putting down wood floors this week!! These are the first wood floors that he has ever put down and I have to say, they really look amazing! It looks like I may be shopping for a dining room table this weekend!! I'm so excited to have dinners at an actual table and not at a computer desk or in front of the TV. It's amazing how sometimes we don't realize how monumental the small things truly are in life until we no longer have them.


#sexyhusband


We still have a long way to go, with the house siding and the shower tile next on the to-finish list, but things are starting to come together. Our house is becoming a home and I am looking forward to the journey//

Hope you are all having a wonderful week!

Monday, September 22, 2014

One of those Days..



I apologize in advance- if you are looking for a happy post, this is not it. I just need to be honest and get some things off of my mind..

Today was not a very good day for me. I'm emotionally spent- dealing with my family and the emotional abuse. It's back and forth, they are nice to me one second, then once I think they really love me and get my hopes up that I will finally have a family that really loves me, that's when they stab me in the heart with their words and lies. I'm so drained from dealing with people who hurt me with no thought for my feelings. When I try and tell them the deep hurt they have put me through, they just over-ride everything that I say and act like it's trivial. They don't even listen and in turn I never heal- it's a vicious cycle and I am so full of sadness. It hurts me that I don't have a family that understands me or loves me for who I am.

It's the most difficult thing, when you don't feel like you have the love and support of your family. Not having their support and love, has caused me so much anxiety and insecurities in my life which I have to constantly pray over. I have so many issues even trusting other people, trusting that they have my best interest at heart. I have a difficult time even being around people now, conversations are like torture for me because I feel like I am always wearing this mask to cover up all of the hurt that I hide deep within. I have to let this go soon, it's eating me up inside to where it's seeping to the outside and I am finding it impossible to hide..

I'm told by my family that I'm too sensitive, that I need to wake up and that everyone else has gone through things too, that I'm not the only one that has gone through difficult times. I understand that other people have been through difficult times, but I believe that everyone deserves a chance to truly be heard and not have someone say things like "You're not the only one" "Other people have it way worse than you" "You need to be thankful"- I deserve to have someone to just say "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that"  or just be there to listen and give me a hug. I have a right to my feelings- I hurt just like everyone else and am actually even more sensitive even though I hide it well. They weren't there for me when I needed them the most in the darkest times in my life. I felt all alone, abandoned, rejected, and unloved- no one should ever be made to feel that way...

I hide my feelings because I am scared to open up and have people hurt me. I would rather keep my walls up than let them down just to have someone let me down, once again. I just don't understand why they have to pull me down and hurt me. Why can't they just love and support me? I have been nothing but kind to them- I have always been there when they needed me. Why would they want to hurt me in return? I just don't get it. Lately, I have lost so much faith in humanity- I see so much selfishness and unkindness in this world and a lack of compassion towards others..

Today was just one sad day out of many days, I will do like I always do and brush it off and go on with my life. I have to learn to love myself and be happy, I deserve to be treated with fairness and kindness. I am proud of myself because this time, I finally stood up for myself and told this person that I was not going to take the abuse anymore. It literally broke my heart when I told them that I needed to not be around them, because this person is my older sibling, but they were unwilling to listen to me and continued to lie and hurt me, even when I practically begged them to love me and to please listen to no avail..I really thought it was going to work this time.

But you can't make someone love you and sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you just have to take a step back and let go and see if they love you enough to come back. All I can do now, is pray for my family and pray for healing, especially for myself. I know that God is the restorer of all broken things..only He can bring healing and restoration..



Saturday, September 20, 2014

Reunited with Roscoe//

For those who are new to my blog, Roscoe, our dog of 15 years, passed away this past April (I wrote about it here and here) and my husband and I were beyond devastated. I would have to say, it was one of the most depressing times of our lives. I literally didn't eat for an entire week and would just break down in tears constantly. I can honestly say that I have never been so sad and in such a dark place emotionally. It now has been almost 6 months since he has been gone and we still miss him so much. 

Most people don't know that my husband and I made a decision many years ago that if something were to ever happen to Roscoe that we would have him preserved so that we could always have him by our side. The morning that he passed away, we cleaned him up, clipped his nails and drove the 3 1/2 hours to the Bear Claw Taxidermy Studio in Covington, Georgia where one of the best Taxidermists is located.

We left Roscoe with them and I prayed that they would create Roscoe exactly how we remembered him. And I have to say, today when we drove to Covington this morning (after waking up at 3:30 a.m.) to pick him up- we were amazed when we stepped into the shop and saw him for the very first time. He had that look on his face that he had often- that look of him listening to my husband & I talking and being interested in our conversations. My husband who rarely sheds a tear, even choked up a little bit..it was so strange seeing him after almost 6 months had passed.






On our way home, with Roscoe in his favorite bed, we even stopped by Roscoe's favorite place to eat- Chick Fil A and got lunch. He rode with us like he had always done when he was alive- he loved going everywhere with us and he went on so many trips and adventures with us//

We are extremely happy with how Roscoe turned out- I was nervous that I would be overwhelmed with sadness again- when we pulled up in the drive, my heart dropped into my stomach. But my husband and I were both pleasantly surprised that we actually enjoy having him here with us, a tangible presence- the only way that I know to explain it, is a feeling of comfort having him here with us and being able to see him and pet him. Now we can look at his little face everyday and watch videos of him and that gives our hearts great happiness//


Monday, September 15, 2014

Life Lately//


Hi lovelies, how is your week going so far? I'm a little tired myself this week- work has been extremely busy and there is still so much to do at home before the house is completed which means lots of late nights of staying up working. Even my Coffee + Starbucks Refreshers + B complex combination isn't doing it for me today. By the way, do you like my new Blog Design? Suzana from thisgirldesign designed it- pretty gorgeous, right? If you need a blog makeover, definitely check out her Etsy Shop!

We have managed to get a couple of things done on the house lately- the husband installed my food pantry last week! And he is currently working on the bathroom wall tile, afterwards we can put up the curved shower rod- I'm so ready to have a shower!

This weekend, we are planning to start putting down the wood floors if we our nails get shipped in time, but if not, the husband will be working on siding while I start organizing for a garage sale. I'm so tired of "stuff"- I can't wait to get rid of 90% of it and start fresh!

Life is going to be so different for us when we can start living a normal life like having dinners at an actual dining room table. I am looking forward to the days when we can come home from work and not have to work more! Soon!

Have a lovely week!!!


Sunday, September 14, 2014

Productive Weekend!!



This is exactly what I picture when I think of weekends- I cherish my weekends. It's my time to get things done, but also relax and catch up on life.

Today my husband is working on the bathroom wall tile while I have been unpacking boxes and organizing the closet. We went food shopping on Friday and tried to find a bathroom mirror and vanity at different stores, but we were not successful. I also ordered the flooring nails, a new charger for our mini iPad and advertised some items on the local swap & shop. My husband also helped me make a new art easel- I have been wanting one for years and I decided to use the left over wood and stain that we have lying around and make one myself! I will post pictures soon!

I love weekends like this that are so productive and fun at the same time. I am so excited for when we are finished with the house and can start going on more weekend trips and start enjoying life more! We have plans coming up the 1st of October to rent a pontoon and just chill out, have a picnic and drink some wine. Life is too short, not to soak up every moment//

Hope you are all having a fabulous Sunday!!




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Friday, September 12, 2014

My husband's new Job!




This past Tuesday was my husband's first day at his new job. I met him for lunch and he had such a great first day- everyone there really likes him and there is already talk of room for promotion. I am so proud of him and thankful to God for sending my husband the perfect job! It comes with really great benefits, pension, retirement, health insurance, holidays, sick, annual, vacation leave, even work polos- not to mention that he works really close by my office! One really nice perk is that he receives a 15% discount at the YMCA, so it saves us around $150 per year- once we finish the house, we plan on signing up.

I want to back up a little bit, because right before our 15 year Anniversary Trip to St. Augustine, I was job-searching online for my husband on my lunch break and came upon the job listing. We decided the morning of our trip, to run by human resources and pick up a application so we could have it ready to give to them when we returned. After we got back from our trip, I snapped this picture of my husband leaving "his future job place" having just turned in his application and resume. When I snapped this shot- I had this feeling come over me (God!) that he was going to get the job and I wanted to have a photo to keep for memories.



I have to tell you something, when God gives me a word or a dream- I take it and hold on to it and I won't allow anyone to ever take it away from me! Sometimes the enemy will try to sneak in with doubts, but I just push him aside and repeat God's promises and declare the victory! My husband and I also pray daily in the mornings and at night, before going to bed over our future and our life. I am a big believer of constant prayer- anytime, I get a chance during the day, I use that time to pray over us and over others who are going through trials.

Yesterday, I went on my daily 30 minute afternoon walk and the entire time I just cried and thanked God over and over for his love and mercy over our lives. Yes, we have been through some very difficult times that not everyone knows about- God has delivered us from so much oppression because we prayed and fasted and believed for it. We have had the enemy come against us one thing right after another these past 4 years trying to keep us down in the pit, but GOD reached down and lifted us out and put our feet on a rock! In life, prayers are not always instant, we have had some prayers that have not come to fruition until 8 years later, but we never once gave up praying.

When I think of what my husband and I have been through, I think of David's Song of Praise in Samuel, it may sound dramatic to some, but if you knew the things we had been through, you would understand why I chose this verse. This is literally how we felt- we both hit our very rock bottom.  In our times of being so low- we felt extremely abandoned, people didn't call, offer help/support or show compassion to us- it was very hurtful to go through that. We had several people that we thought loved us- take turns kicking us while were down and going through some really hard times and we never once retaliated back, but instead we turned the other cheek and cried out to God for help.

Waves of death were crashing around me.
    A deadly flood was carrying me away.
The ropes of the grave wrapped around me.
    Death set its trap right there in front of me.
In my trouble I called to the Lord.
    Yes, I cried out to my God for help.
There in his temple he heard my voice.
    He heard my cry for help.


On our sixth month of unemployment and after putting in tons of resumes and not hearing anything, I literally hit my knees praying and crying out to God to deliver us. Afterwards, I told my husband that I was going to bed and not to even wake me up unless something life-changing good happened.. Little did I know, that I would get a call for a job offer while I was sleeping! That is just one of many trials that we went through that God got us through.

Now, we look back and we both have great jobs, a new home, our old home finally sold and even though we lost money on it, God turned around and blessed us with a new home in a town that we love! We are just so grateful to God for everything- he has been so good to us and he is faithful to his children that will pray to him and believe in him, no matter how long it takes!! Remember the woman in the Bible who wouldn't let go of Jesus' hem, but kept crying, "O thou Son of David, have mercy on me" - that is how we have to be when we need deliverance. So no matter what you may be going through- keep praying and don't give up!  

What are you praying for today?

Monday, September 1, 2014

Welcome September!!


I can't believe it is already September! I have thoroughly enjoyed the Summer and even managed to visit the beach a couple of times, but I am very excited for the Fall!! I look forward to the hot cocoa, baking pies, scarves, sweaters, reading books and writing more.

This will be our first Fall in our new home- I am hoping by the end of October that I will have a dining room table that I can decorate with pumpkins and fall-like things.

September House Goals:
//Finish Exterior House Siding & Trim
//Install interior wood flooring
//Install Food Pantry Shelving
//Install shower tile & curved shower rod
//Paint Interior Doors

September Personal Goals:
//Blog Face-lift
//More Photography, writing, art
//Re-open my Etsy Shop & start back crocheting scarves
//Work on eating healthier- less pasta, cheese & wine
//Daily Running
//Sunday- go to church
//More Spa Days
//Go to Savannah for a weekend
//Go through books & donate
//Organize- sell & donate

By the first of October, we should be ready to start shopping for things for our new home. Our main purchases will be a dining room table, buffet table, living room furniture and a coffee table, vanity and a dresser and night stands for our bedroom. I also still have lots of smaller purchases such as mirrors, wine glasses, dinnerware, towels, rugs, etc. I am definitely looking forward to the shopping and decorating part!!

What are some of your Goals for September?