A Little More Kindness & a Little Less Judgment

Warning: Vulnerable Post Ahead

This morning I received a very hateful review on my new chick lit book. The girl stated in her review that my character is petty, shallow, self-absorbed and entitled. She didn't seem to realize that this is a fiction book; it's not entirely based on my life. The only part that is actually based on my life is the fact that I was in a miserable job  that was making me physically sick and went on a cruise to figure out how to change my life for the better. I wrote this book because it was fun and opposite my life in so many ways. I wish I had Sophies cushy life where she ends up with her dream job paying six figures while living the life of luxury. But that's just not my life.

Her review really hurt me. Mainly because I'm none of those things that she spoke about. I grew up in poverty, with nothing. There were plenty of days when we didn't have much food to eat and my Mom would go without so that I could eat. Growing up, I lived in a very dilapidated home. It was not a nice home by any means. I remember leaky roofs, cracked windows. I could go on and on. I was made fun of at school because of my goodwill clothing and because I didn't fit in. One day, my Mom showed up in her beat-up car and I hid because I was embarrassed for all of the cool kids to know that I was poor. Christmas and Birthdays were the same- gifts that my Mom had sewn or bought from goodwill. Or sometimes, donated items from the Church. Growing up, I never had anything new.

I've had to fight for everything in my life and nothing has ever been given to me. Quite the opposite; I've mostly had people take from me instead of support me in my life. After reading the review, I broke down crying. I'm a sensitive person and there's nothing that I hate more than when someone views me oppositive of who I am truly am. Anyone who has taken the time to really get to know me; knows that I am the opposite of shallow and I am very kind and compassionate. I actually hate small talk and would rather deep conversations about life.

No one wants to read a book about a poor girl who is made fun of and has struggled all of her life and still working hard trying to become a successful business owner and writer. Who wants to read about how a girl who has been abandoned by her own family? Or a girl that goes through an entire year of depression when she loses her dog of 15 years? Or maybe how she stays in a miserable job where she is bullied until she gets physically sick? Those things are just too heavy and don't make for a good story. I wanted to write a fun, light book. My life is heavy at times and writing this book actually helped me get away from my problems for a little while.

But in her defense, this reviewer doesn't know anything about my struggles in life and the dark times that I've been through. I'm not going to retaliate because it's not my style at all. Maybe she is going through something herself or maybe she had a bad experience with a self-absorbed person. I have no idea.That's why I personally refrain from being judgemental of others; because you never know what battle someone else may be fighting. Yes, their life may look amazing from the outside. That may be just the part that they allow you to see. You don't know what their life is truly like or what they go through. Just because someone may seem to have a perfect life, doesn't mean that they don't deal with depression or insecurities. Can we please stop judging one another? Why not be more supportive and help one another?

The one great part of this was the support that I received from other women. One of the reviewers was so kind and supportive and emailed to tell me not to let the review get me down. And when I posted to the Being Boss Facebook group about the hateful review, so many women surrounded me with love and support. It's so nice to know that there are women out there that are loving and want to support other women. I love that!!

My hope is that we all start supporting one another and being more compassionate. We are all fighting our own battles. Why not help one another along the way? I always want to be that person that leaves another person feeling happier and motivated after leaving my presence. Even when I have a bad day or I'm stressed out; I make sure to always help others feel good about themselves.

Think of some ways that you can show someone kindness today...

Who Gives You Encouragement?

What kind of support do you have in your life? Are you surrounded by positive girlfriends, and/or your family who are there for you when you're having difficult times or even just having a friend to hang out with to share in your successes in life?

I have to admit, I've never had supportive women/girlfriends like that. I've always had to be my own biggest supporter, my own coach, I have had to pull myself up by the bootstraps when I'm going through a rough time and give myself pep talks on the days that I'm feeling down. I don't remember many compliments being given & was constantly reminded that I was the same as everyone else and nothing special. I've never had a woman mentor to lift me up or tell me how amazing I am or what I am capable of and you guys, no matter how much I try to bury that in my subconscious, it really hurt and it affected my self-worth for a long time. It made me feel like wasn't important or that I didn't matter. They say that you don't miss what you've never had, but I have had glimpses of what other women have and I really want that too..

I am so envious of those women who have girlfriends to go out with to have a glass of wine or to go shopping. I admit that I'm extremely choosy of who I allow to be around me -I only allow myself to have authentic, positive relationships- I don't associate with takers, people who lie, cheat or who pretend to be something they're not- I feel that I should only have people surrounding me that are good for my spirit.

I've had my share of women that have tried to tear me down in my life or tried to bully me- I've never had much positive encouragement from another woman. None of the women ever asked how my business was doing or the books that I've published or complimented my weight loss or a new haircut- they honestly don't even know me as a person because they have never taken the time to really know me and I find that extremely sad. 

Luckily, I have been blessed with an amazing husband who does lift me up and brag to all of his co-workers about  how amazing that I am. But I still miss having having girlfriends to hang out with to talk about girly things. I have always been a big believer in women supporting and loving one another- I have never wanted to be a part of anything less. 

The other day on Instagram, this girl accidentally tagged me with some other mean girls who were bullying Carly Waddell from the Bachelor and I was so upset about it. I tagged her and begged her to please remove my name from being grouped with those girls that were making fun of Carly. I find that type of behavior to be so atrocious and don't want anything to do with it. I believe that there are so many different ways that you can bully someone - verbally, giving mean looks, by copying them so excessively until they feel like their identity has been stolen and they no longer feel like themselves or by passive aggressively ignoring someone like they don't exist. Those last two are the worst- I've experienced both and it really really hurts....No one wants to be made to feel like they don't exist or that someone is trying to replace them as if they no longer matter.

Because I know what it's like to feel left out and to feel alone, I have always gone above and beyond to support other women. I am very comfortable giving out compliments or listening when someone needs someone to talk to or wants advice. I know that because of never having those things myself, I am very sensitive to how I treat others and make sure that I always treat people in a kind manner even when they are unkind to me. 

It doesn't mean that all women will be best friends or have a compatible friendship- it just means that we have respect for one another and when someone needs help or support- to be there for them. It never hurts to be kind & it doesn't cost anything- so feel free to spread the love to others :) You never know who might being going through a difficult time and could use some support in their life. 

This year my prayer is that God sends me some Christian, loving women that are kind and supportive because I know that there are so many kind and supportive loving women out there, I just have to wait on God to send some into my life.

Do you have supportive girlfriends or a positive female mentor in your life?