My Life Being Renewed: Who Gives You Encouragement?

Who Gives You Encouragement?

January 20, 2016


 

What kind of support do you have in your life? Are you surrounded by positive girlfriends, your Mom, sisters who are there for you when you're having difficult times or even just having a friend to hang out with to share in your successes in life?

I have to admit, I've never had supportive women/girlfriends like that. I've always had to be my own biggest supporter, my own coach, I have had to pull myself up by the bootstraps when I'm going through a rough time and give myself pep talks on the days that I'm feeling down. Growing up I was never given compliments & was told on a daily basis that I was the same as everyone else and nothing special. I've never had a woman mentor to lift me up or tell me how amazing I am or what I am capable of and you guys, no matter how much I try to bury that in my subconscious, it really hurts and it has affected my self-worth. It makes me feel like I'm not important or that I don't matter. They say that you don't miss what you've never had, but I have had glimpses of what other women have and I really want that too..

Those days when I sit in my office all alone with no one to talk to or to share things with, is really hard. I am so envious of those women who have girlfriends to go out with to have a glass of wine or to go shopping. I admit that I'm extremely choosy of who I allow to be around me -I only allow myself to have authentic, positive relationships- I don't associate with takers, people who lie, cheat or who pretend to be something they're not- I feel that I should only have people surrounding me that are good for my spirit.

I've had my share of women that have tried to tear me down in my life or tried to bully me- I've never had any positive encouragement from another woman (with the exception of online). Even now, no one in my life ever asks how my business is doing or compliments my weight loss or a new haircut- they honestly don't even know me as a person because they have never taken the time to really know me and I find that extremely sad. I think that I'm an amazing, loving and generous person and I would give anything to help someone else expecting nothing in return. I feel like they have me pegged as one person when I am in fact, the complete opposite, but if they can't dig past the exterior to see the true me, I certainly won't go out of my way to prove myself.

Luckily, I have been blessed with an amazing husband who does lift me up and brag to all of his co-workers about  how amazing that I am. But I still miss having having girlfriends to hang out with to talk about girly things. I have always been a big believer in women supporting and loving one another- I have never wanted to be a part of anything less. 

The other day on Instagram, this girl accidentally tagged me with some other mean girls who were bullying Carly Waddell from the Bachelor and I was so upset about it. I tagged her and begged her to please remove my name from being grouped with those girls that were making fun of Carly. I find that type of behavior to be so atrocious and don't want anything to do with it. I believe that there are so many different ways that you can bully someone - verbally, giving mean looks, by copying them so excessively until they feel like their identity has been stolen and they no longer feel like themselves or by passive aggressively ignoring someone like they don't exist. Those last two are the worst- I've experienced both and it really really hurts....No one wants to be made to feel like they don't exist or that someone is trying to replace them as if they no longer matter.

Because I know what it's like to feel left out and to feel alone, I have always gone above and beyond to support other women. I am very comfortable giving out compliments or listening when someone needs someone to talk to or wants advice. I know that because of never having those things myself, I am very sensitive to how I treat others and make sure that I always treat people in a kind manner even when they are unkind to me. 

It doesn't mean that all women will be best friends or have a compatible friendship- it just means that we have respect for one another and when someone needs help or support- to be there for them. It never hurts to be kind & it doesn't cost anything- so feel free to spread the love to others :) You never know who might being going through a difficult time and could use some support in their life

This year my prayer is that God sends me some Christian, loving women that are kind and supportive.

Do you have supportive girlfriends or a positive female mentor in your life?



4 comments:

  1. Melinda. Interesting post. I don't think I've ever met anyone who could say they've "never had and encouraging woman in their life". You're right, that's kind of sad. My gift as a Christian is encourager so that's tough for me to swallow. I pray as well that you find that one true bestie besides your guy to hang with, shop and have wine with. I am an introvert with a tough exterior so unless I want to make a new friend on purpose they don't come to me. I have a few good people in my life, but I too am very picky. Take care and let us know when she shows up.

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  2. Sabrina, in real life I haven't ever had encouraging women or supportive women who were there for me and not for just selfish reasons. However, as I said in my post, I have met amazingly supportive women online in different groups! I'm the same way, all day long, I lift up and encourage others- both men and women, so I do find it extremely sad that I don't get the same in return. I would much rather spend time in my own presence than waste time with people who are not good for me, but I know that I will continue to pray and God will bring these type of supportive, loving women as friends that I can confide in and uplift as well. I will definitely expect to come back here soon and write an updated post on finding these amazing women! xo, Melinda

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  3. Hi Melinda, Thank you for being so vulnerable. I have struggled with something similar and I've also prayed about finding Christian girlfriends who are loving and supportive. I hope that you find the support that you're looking for. Is there a church with a women's ministry or small group that you can try joining? I've only read a few of your posts so far, but I can tell that you have a beautiful spirit. God is saving you for someone worth being your friend and I hope he sends them soon!

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  4. Hi Trisha, thank you for visiting my blog :) I almost didn't write this blog post because I didn't want to come off as negative or whiny and I don't think most people understand it. I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through that as well- it's rough not having women around that support you. I haven't joined a women's ministry because I live in a small town and haven't found a church that I like. Mostly, I do okay being alone because my business and home life keeps me busy, it's just every once in a while when I want to celebrate big news or just hang out with women friends that it bothers me. But when I get down about it, I turn to God and pray and I'm definitely good with that!

    Thank you so much for saying that- that really means so much to me :) I really hope so!

    xo, Melinda

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