My Life Being Renewed: Daddy's Little Girl..

Daddy's Little Girl..

January 13, 2013





Hi Lovelies! I wanted to share something with you all- first, I don't usually get too deep on the blog because I am a fairly private person, but I thought maybe some of you could relate to this song like I did..


This isn't easy for me to write about because I have always pushed these memories back because they hurt too much. I relate to this song because I lost my Dad about 12 years ago to Parkinsons {He was diagnosed when I was 11 years old, so most of my life my Dad was sick and I remember helping him brush his hair, put lotion on his feet & legs, put on his socks and shoes, get dressed, walk around, giving him medicine, letting his recliner back when he was too weak to do it himself- pretty much everything}. I was definitely a Daddy's girl, every day I would sit on my Dad's lap and he would ask "Are you still Daddy's little girl?", of course I always said yes, even when I was older. I had so many good times with my Dad, helping him at his shop, bringing him tools. Asking him for change for candy and him giving me all of his change from his pockets...I just remembered that.. I remember dancing around in the living room, pretending to be a Ballerina. I loved my Daddy.


I remember it was the day after Christmas and I was going to visit my parents and eat together with family.. and we got the call that my Dad had gone into a coma and still hadn't come out of it, we immediately rushed to the Hospital. I remember not wanting to face it, not wanting to go into the room, I started crying before I made it through the door. My Mom said that I should sing for my Dad, because he always liked to hear me sing..so I sang "Consider the Lilies" {I used to sing/play piano in church & choir} and held his hand..I am glad that I did because he squeezed my hand and I saw his feet swaying to my singing.


He remained in a coma for two days, I talked to him and never let go of his hand..I remember I was holding his hand and praying for God to make him wake up. I kept saying, please wake up, please wake up, please wake up... when he took his last breath. I screamed so loud and I didn't even realize it was me until later..I felt like I was out of body, like it wasn't really happening. I remember the week of the funeral, I lost over 10 lbs from grieving, I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. All of my Christmas gifts that I had unwrapped, sat in a pile for over a month, I felt guilty for even celebrating Christmas when my Dad had been in a coma on Christmas Eve. We all thought he was sleeping, everyone was all around him celebrating Christmas. At least he was with his family.

My Dad was a military man, owned his own company in construction. I never heard him utter a bad word about another person and I never heard him complain- I want to be more like him in that way.


Until today, I have repressed that day for all of these years, until this song...then the floodgates came open, all at once. All of the pain, missing my Dad, the time I wish I had back, I remember it all...it feels so good to cry. I just don't know if the tears will ever stop, I know that I will never stop missing him..but to be honest, it does feel good to cry and get it all out.


I am sad because my Dad didn't make it to my wedding because he felt so sick that day- I carry around so much guilt for that. I think of all the things I should have done- like have a special wedding so he could be there, I feel like I let him down in many ways. I know that I shouldn't do that to myself, but I can't help it. Or the times I was too busy hanging out with my friends, I should have spent more time with him. I wish he didn't have to go when I was young, I feel like I was so stupid then, I just thought he would be around forever, I wish I had more time with him. But I was wrong..I do know that now I do everything to cherish people and tell them I love them constantly. You never know when that person won't be there the next moment. I can say that not everyone learns that in life, but it is a very important life lesson.


My Dad would have been so proud of me, that we just celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary and together for a total of 15 years. He would be so proud of me going to college and my career accomplishments. He would be so proud of us remodeling a 1942 cottage. He would be so proud of my little blog and me learning how to crochet scarves- I bet he would want to wear one. He would be so excited to see where I have travelled to- he did always love adventure- that is where I get it from. He would be proud of the woman I have grown to be..


I am happy that I did get the time that I did with my Dad- the times we shared our love of travel- my first time to Puerto Rico and there was a photo of me at the old spanish ruins and my Dad remembered being there when he was in the military. I remember the times when I would make a cup of coffee for him or he would ask me to get him his favorite candy, Werthers. Or me buying him a new pair of suspenders or chocolates for Christmas and how happy he always was. I remember him meeting my future husband for the first time, the first question he asked him on our first date was if he was going to be able to provide for me. It embarassed me then, but now I see how he was just being protective over me. I remember my Dad always taking my side when I got into trouble..my Dad would say to my Mom, "now Carolyn, I don't think she meant to do it"..always looking out for me. The times he would listen to my choir tape or when I would sit in his lap in the rocking chair and he would kiss me on the forehead. I know that my Dad had a soft spot in his heart for me...and I for him, He was my hero. To me, my Dad was perfect. One day I will see him again in Heaven..


I am praying for God to heal that void..it's always there and I know it's because I need my Dad. I miss him so much. I am always so envious of those girls who still have their Dads..every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Father's Day, His Birthday...is difficult. If I still had my Dad I would hold on tight and never let go...


What I do know, is that I may not have an earthly Father any longer, but what I do have is a Heavenly Father. He loves me as I am, He sees that there is so much more to me than just my appearance, He sees my heart. He is my Father and I am His Daughter..I feel so blessed that He calls me His Daughter!


I have to admit, at first I was writing this post thinking that I could help someone else that may be going through the same thing, but it ended up being very therapeutic for me as well. So, today, take time to call your parents, your siblings- go and visit with them and tell them how much you love them..













I am His Daughter


The photos in the magazines
Don't dictate who I'm supposed to be
The world can't recognize, all that I am inside
But I know in His eyes, I am a part of, the bigger picture,

There's so much more to me
He helps me see that I have so much to offer
I am His daughter
He loves me the way I am,
He's my strength when I stand
He is my King, and my Father,
I am His daughter.

The people on the TV screen,
The leaders, rulers, and queens
I watch them shape the world,
And though I'm just a girl, I still know for sure,
That I am a part of, the bigger picture

There's so much more to me
He helps me see that I have so much to offer
I am His daughter
He loves me the way I am,
He's my strength when I stand
He is my King, and my Father,
I am His daughter

And when I'm feeling small,
And wondering if I'll ever, find courage to stand tall
Through His love I remember

There's so much more to me
He helps me to see that I have so much to offer
I am His daughter
He loves me the way I am
He's my strength when I stand
He is my King, and my Father,
I am His daughter








6 comments:

  1. This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my life Melinda. What a beautiful and wonderful tribute. It's impossible to read this without becoming emotional. Wow. I also found it neat how you began writing this post in the hopes that it would help other people but ended up finding it to be therapeutic for you as well. That's what's so wonderful about writing. Wonderful post my friend.

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    1. Aww thank you so much for saying that Keith..I almost didn't post it because I thought maybe it was too emotional..Thanks so much for this lovely comment :D

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  2. very sweet post, even though it brought a flood of tears to my eyes. The last line you wrote about taking time to call/visit parents/siblings made me feel a tinge of guilt because I don't visit them as often as I should. Thanks for sharing this post.

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  3. Wow!!! Melinda, and you almost kept this from the world. You've helped me and so many others out there. May God further bless you. And May you receive His love and healing for your heart.
    I lost my dad 3 yrs ago. It still hurts.
    Love you stacks:)

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    1. I am so happy that this helped you- I am sorry to hear about your Dad. I don't think the hurt ever goes away- May God bless you as well. Thank you so much for your beautiful words :)

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