Hi loves! I apologize for falling off the planet for several weeks, I've just been going through a weird spot in my life the past few months. I'm at a place where I need to make some decisions on some things & honestly, I'm really unsure of what to do right now. I feel so confused with my VA Business because I don't seem to be attracting my ideal clients and to be honest, I really miss working a normal 40 hour work week instead of putting in 80 hour weeks on my business to try to make it perfect, not to mention I would like a dependable income. I was so frustrated yesterday that I ended up taking the day off today to just let my mind rest and do some praying.
I honestly love what I do everyday but I don't love having to market myself (I'm an Introvert so I hate hate talking about myself!) & the need to constantly update my brand. I think the worst part is how much time it consumes from my life and I feel like I don't have time to spend time with God like I want. I had people try to give me advice, recommending me go back to school, but this confusion doesn't come from not having enough knowledge because God knows that all I do all day is read & take classes/webinars constantly. And I've done the college thing already, believe me!
I think the problem is that I have always been the one that works behind the scenes and serves others. I don't like being on the front line and the center of everything; it's just not what I love. I really would love to work for an amazing company that offers great benefits + perks where I can continue to work from home. I don't know if it's just me wanting to hide in my cocoon and maybe God is wanting me to step out into the spotlight or if it's just not meant for me. I hope that I find the clarity that I need soon.
Speaking of cocoons, today I was listening to worship music & organizing my Pinterest boards when my eye caught this image of a butterfly. It brought my mind to the process that butterflies go through in their stage of life. First, they are born and then they form into a caterpillar where they lose their skin many times as they grow. They increase in size up to several thousand times before the next step (which sounds painful). Next they turn into a pupa (chrysalis) which is the resting stage and lastly they become a beautiful butterfly!
If you look at it spiritually; it looks like this:
First, we are created by God and are in the cocoon stage, then we are born and then we go through the growing stage thousands of times (life). This can be quite painful, being stretched beyond the point that we would like at times. After that, we get to a stage of rest (thank goodness for this stage) After growing to the point where we need to be, we reach the stage of becoming a beautiful butterfly!
When I started really thinking about it, it made me think back on my life and that's in nutshell what my life has looked like. I've gone through growing moments to where I am stretched and stretched to my breaking point. I can definitely relate to Job of the Bible. For the past five years especially, I have been through so many tests + being stretched in a way that I have never been before and I've held strong to God through it all. Forming into a beautiful butterfly is painful and it isn't pretty in the beginning stages. Have you actually seen larvae up close? Not pretty at all. But it takes time to form into a beautiful butterfly; it doesn't happen overnight.
Lately, through songs, quotes, sermons, I've had God giving me words to just hold on, that restoration is on it's way. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 (I heard these words the other day at the end of a song that I was listening to). I literally just prayed & cried listening to it over and over. I know that God sees my heart and that I have been faithful to him through everything and he will reward the righteous!
I'm getting ready to emerge into a beautiful butterfly soon; just you wait and see! A lovely thing about butterflies for me; is that my husband is really the person that introduced me to the beauty of butterflies when he took me to Callaway Gardens at the age of 19 and I fell in love with them! I have always said that I should have been a butterfly because they live in the warmth, float around & drink the nectar of flowers and fruit juice. What a beautiful life.
Anyway, I expect to be back here soon to share some amazing blessings with you guys because God never goes back on his promises! Blessings + love to all of you!
What are you going through right now that you are praying over?