My Life Being Renewed: Going through the Motions & Not Really Living Life//

Going through the Motions & Not Really Living Life//

October 4, 2014



I always second guess myself when I want to come here and write about my true feelings- I just worry that I will come off as a constant complainer, but I never vent to anyone, except to my husband. I just don't have that trusting relationship with anyone enough to open up about things. The only thing that makes me publish these posts is that someone may possibly be going through the same thing and it's nice having someone else to relate to//

So here is what happened Friday afternoon- I ended up working a little later and dropping off some work mail on the way home, I was in the vehicle already stressed out about everything. I had told my husband that I was on the edge, that the tiniest thing would send me over the edge, I literally have been sitting on nerves. I have been having extreme anxiety again with work being so stressful lately, family harassing me and now the house construction is chaos to live in- my husband is doing his best with working full time too and we are trying to save money because we don't have the extra to spend, but it's extremely difficult trying to do all on your own.

Sometimes, I feel like people look to me to take their problems on, but I have my own things to worry about and when I take on my life and other's on my shoulders- I end up being overwhelmed and breaking down. I do not want to be superwoman, but most people don't really know how much that I really do on a daily basis- I never have any time for myself,  I am ready to have some fun and live life and not feel like I am working every second of my life. Lately, I feel like a hamster on a wheel, not going anywhere. I haven't had anytime to breathe, to take care of myself or to focus on my own goals and dreams. I've been staying awake with anxiety, feeling stuck and held back in life- I have so much that I want to do and the stress is starting to show in my weight gain, crying/depression, lack of sleep and being snappy (mostly to my poor husband).

So when we got home, seeing the construction chaos after a long day and working late at work- I was standing at the sink washing dishes and I just had a break down. I told my husband I had to get out of the house and take a walk. I walked and cried and talked to God about all of my problems and stress for about 30 minutes and afterwards I felt so much better. I went to my heavenly Father and he listened to me and I know that he is going to take care of things for me- I am his daughter and I know that he loves me//

You never know what someone is going through, so treat everyone kindly with compassion and fairness. We don't know what battles they may be fighting. I know the battles that I have had to face in life so I treat everyone with love and kindness every day, no matter how bad my day or week has been.

I do plan on being proactive and stop taking on so much at a time and take time to go away and relax. I have to take care of myself or I am no good to anyone. It's easier said than done, when you have an unfinished house and tons of things that need to be done, but I am hoping to take small steps like going out for a couple of hours just to get a breather away from the madness.

All I know is, that I poured my heart out to my heavenly Father and things will get better soon- that I know with all certainty! Write, Vent and Pray- that is my process--it's my therapy//

Do you ever feel like your life is flying by and you are just going through the motions and not really enjoying life?



2 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for posting this. I want to be more vulnerable on my blog as well but I don't want it to come off as a complainer.i feel ha right now that I am a little hamster on a wheel with no where to go.

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  2. Jessa, I feel like if you need to vent that it is different from complaining as long as it isn't all day every day to anyone and everyone that will listen- that is my definition of a complainer. If I don't write, I tend to keep everything bottled up inside and if I don't let it out (like this time), I literally will end up having a breakdown. I personally feel safer coming to my own personal space to write and sometimes vent just to let the pressure off. It's much better than "complaining to everyone that will listen"- there is a big difference in "venting" and "complaining" in my personal opinion. I hope that you decide to open up and feel free to vent at times on your blog//

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